20200717_193643

Okay, confession time…I have not been as productive as I could have been over the last couple of weeks, and I’m blaming this on The US Office, Star Trek and my reread of Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone.

I have finished the office now, but at the time, I literally could not stop watching it. It has definitely been the pick me up I’ve needed lately. Its deadpan humour is golden and sometimes so relatable….so relatable!

It’s funny, because Steph and I were just talking the other day, about how awesome it would be to have our lives documented. Sometimes I don’t think people believe half the shit we tell them; that has gone on in our lives. Most of the time it’s pretty laughable…or at least we try and find the funny side to it. Everything else we just help each other through it the best we can.

I feel like I should feel guilty, for not being as beneficial as I could have been, but at the same time, I am really glad I gave myself a break. Real life work has been tough, and it has really taken it out of me. Next Thursday and Friday will be the first two days I have had off since the start of the pandemic.

I think Iโ€™ve pushed myself until breaking point. You see, I always end up effecting my mental health because I get stressed, because I think I’m not doing good enough or I’m doing something wrong; or that I could just do it better.

I have very unrealistic, over the top dreams of what I want my life to be, and I have very unrealistic timelines I think I’ve got to do it by.

I am 30 in the next couple of months and it is crazy how I am nowhere near what I thought my life goals would be. I am in a lot better place than Iโ€™ve been in years, and I believe I have the first half of the year to thank for that.

January was rough, like ROUGH, rough, but it allowed me to sort my shit out. It made me realise what I truly wanted. I guess it is true what they say, you’ve got to travel through the darkness to find the light. You have got to see how far you fall, so you can appreciate how high you want to fly.

I don’t easily regret my past; I’ve learnt to appreciate it. Be thankful for the insights it gives me.

While I do not apologize for anything Iโ€™ve done, I do wish sometimes these epiphanies would have reached me a lot fucking quicker. I would have saved a lot of time.

Recently I’ve learnt to move on and let go. To not be worried and I have tried so hard, to stop peopleโ€™s actions controlling my moods and my life. I still have a lot to learn; but I am content. I’m fair and I want to just get my shit done. If my actions upset or annoy anyone; they can truly just go find someone else to moan to or fuck off.

I enjoy helping and supporting people, but sometimes you’ve just got to learn that you can’t please everyone; and they’ve got to learn that life isn’t easy, and it takes strength and determination to achieve what you want.

I’m so done with holding grudges and swinging on drama. I’ve learnt that some people need this lifestyle to live, and I never want to get like that.

I don’t want my life run by the glory or heartache of others. I just want to be happy with the life I live. Be proud of who I am, and what I will become.

I’m not going to waste my time with people who want to hold me back, or that don’t appreciate things I’ve done or do for them.

I’ve decided to focus my energy on creativity. On the love I have for life. Spending my time with my beautiful friends and looking for adventure; places to see and visit.

I want to talk about the happy times, and the memories we have created. Not the stuff that went wrong…well not without a laugh on my lips anyway.

I am learning to be patient, and happy with even the tiniest achievements I make every day.

Life is short, but it doesn’t have to be treated as a race!

I have got this!!

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