I’ve spent many years stressing about things I cannot control. Panicking, crying, hyperventilating and becoming an all-around mess, begging for something to just change and click into place.
This year has taught me a lot, but the main thing it’s taught me, is to just let things go.
Moving on, and forget about things and people who bring me nothing but negative hateful feelings. Who betrayed me, for really pathetic reasons.
If you would have asked me a month ago if I wished pain to those who had hurt me, I’d sit there, light a candle and pray to the karma gods to deal with it, but now; I couldn’t care less.
I wouldn’t say I’ve reached a point of forgiveness, not because I can’t but because I’d rather just forget, remove them from my life; which has actually been so much easier, and more refreshing than I thought it would be.
It took me going through some really fucked up shit to realise my worth. To appreciate my incredible friends and family, my job, my home and my life.
Once you remove that toxic, negative fog that sits in the air, it becomes so much clearer, and the light you’re been craving all this time just shines through.
I am okay. I’m outstanding. I am a fucking queen! If people can’t see that, then that is their problem. I’ve won, I really fucking have.
I have helped so many people in my life, supported them through some really terrible decisions, put myself in uncomfortable positions to make sure they have felt safe, but when I’ve made one small mistake, when I decided to put myself first, I became the bad guy. All because I called them out for their shit, or stopped holding their hands, sometimes paying for them to live. Caring for them, even when my mental health was fucked. Because I stopped being the doormat they loved to wipe their feet on, I was evil, a crazy bitch, selfish, pathetic, obsessed, a user, disgusting, ugly, fake…the irony isn’t lost on me.
For a while this killed me, but even through all those hateful words, I couldn’t help but wish them happiness, because apparently I’m an idiot. This slowly turned to dread, and then turned to anger.
Finally I forced myself to stop. I sat down, I breathed in and I just pushed all those feelings out, let them all go, and just stopped trying to look for some kind of revenge.
I stopped wasting my time on other people and started to focus on me.
I began to look at what my energy could actually be used for.
I started to enjoy happiness again. I walked away from negativity and it was the best move I could have ever made.
If I feel someone is using me; I stopped putting myself in a situation where they could take advantage, I started saying no; because my life is mine to control.
If I feel someone doesn’t like me; I don’t try and force them to, I accept this as fact, and I avoid them as much as possible. If I must face them, I do so with a smile on my face; because that is my strength.
If someone has something bad to say about me; I turn away and ignore the lies. Turn to my friends, who have my back even when I am not present.
People who I love unconditionally, who annoy me out of love and respect. Who I couldn’t live without! Because my feelings are mine to own. I can choose to throw all the hate and anger into the world, or I can share my love to those who genuinely care, and who genuinely need it.
I am so sorry that there are people in this world who have lost so many friends, because their need to find “more popular” people, because their current friends “don’t fit”, and people who are so obsessed with finding gossip and drama they’d throw their friends under a bus, just for the laughs and popularity. It’s so sad that people can’t appreciate the love that they’ve had from the beginning. who throw it all away for the sad attempts at a toxic friendship or relationship.
I wouldn’t be the person I am today without my support group! My beautiful kind-hearted friends, who call me out for my shit when I need it. Who give me advice and support, who I love with all my heart.
I love that now when I get home from work and grab my journal, it is filled with positivity and grateful thoughts; completed task lists, ideas and projects.
I have unbelievable gratitude for everything around me. Now when I grab a writing pad, nothing but happy fun filled thoughts come to my mind.
I love that my playlist is filled with dancing happy songs that make me want to get up and move and to be so creative.
I’m so thankful for my life, it has started to give me confidence I never thought I’d ever be able to achieve again. I’ve grown so much in such a short time.
I’ve changed so much too, and I strongly believe it is all for the better.
I am not the same person I was a year ago. I’m far from it; I’m a stranger to so many, even myself sometimes, but I am okay with that!
So, I would like to reintroduce myself…
Hi, my name is Sharon. I’m an amateur writer, who is still finding her voice.
I’m currently a manager at a finance company, I run a fantastic team, who make me smile every day.
I have outstanding friends, two who I live with; they are not only my friends, but my family.
I have love in my life; it’s unconventional, but it makes me happy.
I love to go on adventures to see the world I live in.
I’m a huge geeky nerd, and I’m part of many fandoms.
I am terrible with names.
I love to read.
I love to keep organized, I love planning
I’m dreadful with money – but I’m slowly getting better.
I own a 7-seater, no kids, just like lots of space.
I put Dairylea on my chicken fried rice.
I get drunk on 3 rums and coke.
I am trying to quit smoking for what feels like the millionth time in my life.
I’m a Ravenclaw.
I was born in Scotland, (and all my family have moved back there, apart from me).
I love to spread positivity to all who need it, and I’m currently in love with life!
I wish everyone the best that life could offer, and I hope everyone else can one day find the clarity I have reached.
So, take my hand and lets go through this crazy thing we call life!
You’ve got this!