He stared at the ceiling, scared to move, fearful to look because if for a second, he was caught, he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop the look of longing on his face. He clicked his neck, trying to take the urge of temptation away, he knew he had to get back to the job at hand, but his mind was on other things; it was on her.
She laughed, long and loud, not a sense of falseness to it, and for a moment he was jealous that he wasn’t the one to make her happy.
She was different, not like the one he was with now, she was kind, soft and had a completely different style than what he was used to. He was sure she liked him too; but she never acted on her feelings, maybe it was because she knew he belonged to another. He wished she would, wished she would come to him, but he knew it was for the best.
She didn’t deserve to be hurt, not by his hands, never. So instead, he kept his head turned away from her, to be safe, to keep her safe and he wouldn’t look at her, not unless he had to.
She called his name then, getting his attention for someone else and without being able to hesitate, he spun to her voice and a smile formed on his lips before he could stop it. Her eyes swallowed him up, and in that moment, if she asked him to soak himself in flames; he would, he would do anything she needed, wanted.
A giggle still bubbled on her lips, and he swiftly turned to the person who had made her joyful, that person was no competition for him, but he still wanted them to leave, he wanted her all to himself. He knew this was a selfish act, as it wasn’t fair to keep her away from the happiness she deserved.
She could be his, if he wanted it, but he had other responsibilities. He wished she could be his only one, and he would certainly make her his priority, but he only had himself to blame for his mistakes.
If he had only waited a few months, it could have all been different. They could have had a life together, but he was stupid, and he was afraid to be alone, so he took what was available at the time and now he would have to live a life of misery because of it.
She made a joke and he chuckled as his face flushed red, not because he couldn’t handle the joke, but because of the comment she had just made; he just desired she would act on them. Deep down, he knew she wouldn’t and that’s what made her so special, what made her so different from the rest.
She was cheeky, and she pushed others to the limits around her, without knowing it; she teased him, but she never intentionally wanted to hurt anyone, she didn’t even know he felt this way. She believed he pitied her, and that he was just playing along to be polite. If only she knew where his head and heart really were.
She laughed again, and he felt pride that this time it was him that made her eyes sparkle. He knew he had to walk away immediately before he couldn’t stop himself from taking her, so he abruptly spun around, pretending he had something else to do. This too gave him the option to show off, but he wasn’t going to get much done with her right behind him, he was too nervous to do anything of meaning.
His eyes glanced towards her when she wasn’t looking, her smile had left her face, not because she was unhappy, but because she was now concentrating. Her eyes narrowed ever so often, and he smiled as he inspected her. He picked up on all her little quirks, he remembered every small thing she had ever said to him, even though he had pretended to forget, but this just gave him an excuse to hear her speak again.
He loved all the small things they had in common, he loved how she looked at him confused when she had no clue what others were saying around them, he loved the way she got excited about things that most people would fine boring or uninteresting. He loved her eyes, her smile, her messy hair and uneven clothes, he loved how smart she was, he loved her bad taste in music, her bad attempt at being healthy and he loved how she cared for others around her; how she listened to those who didn’t even warrant her time.
He loved everything about her, even though he didn’t know much, even though he wanted to know more, and what hurt him the most, was knowing she would never know the truth.