I enjoy the quiet moments but sometimes they leave me feeling empty. I can never sit in total silence, I need to make background noise, a tv show will be on, a movie, my music, because if I don’t make some kind of sound, the air around me becomes deafening.
My brain likes to bring back my worse memories, things I wish would have never happened, shouldn’t have happened, could still happen, things that will never happen, but I worry anyway.
I end up going into myself, I start to feel the darkness, it surrounds me, covers me in an ache I don’t wish to feel. My heart races and I feel broken. I end up trying to live in a dream I have created, which in turn, makes me feel lonelier.
I hate my thoughts, I just wish they would quieten down. I’m fed up with feeling like a stranger, like my belongings aren’t my own, that other people rule my moods and actions, they tell me how to live my life.
As long as they are happy, as long as their world is spinning the way they want it to, my heart, my soul, that’s just collateral damage.